Tuesday, October 7, 2008

coming full circle...

i usually don't share my journal entries, but i this one i must. this was from a year ago today.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Old Man Winter
the past weekend harold and i went for a run on saturday morning. he had a bit more energy so i started walking while he ran ahead. i was admiring the changing color of the leaves on the trees and a certain nicole nordeman song about seasons came to mind. the particular part was about winter. to quote she says:"even now in death You open doors for life to enter. You are Winter"all i know about trees came to mind. how their roots grow big & strong in winter. how even though they look dead, they are building stronger foundations and i started thinking and comparing the process to this season in my life.i started wondering if the reason i wasn't getting pregnant was because this is my winter season. more certainly than ever have i felt the hand of the Lord in my life. pruning away at old habits, old attitudes, old sin. the thought of being a mother has pushed me closer and closer to Him for re-shaping and now i wonder if in this season of death (to self, to sin, to habits) He in fact in making doors open for life to enter. a baby. possibility right? so...i started asking Him (of course, i gotta ask) "God, just how long will this season last." not in a ' i just need to know now kinda way', more like i mean if that is what's going on, then can i get a timeframe? i imagine He got a kick out of that because He promptly answered... his answer was that I won't ever know and the very reason is that I would do everything I could to speed it up and it just doesn't work that way. heather, it just doesn't work that way. okay. i get it. and i'll be patient. some days are easier but even if Spring comes and brings different life than expected i'm so thankful for the roots He builds. they are my legacy. period.

i found out i was pregnant 3 days after i wrote this in my journal.

my point? this morning harold encouraged me to have a good day and to show georgia what a godly mother looks like. when he left i looked at her face and began to weep. i find myself in the same 'season' as a year ago except now i AM a mother and new habits, new sins, new attitudes need to die. i am begging for Old Man Winter to come again and prune away. i have been discouraged lately and today...this journal entry...has reminded me that the whole time i will spend here needs to be full of seasons that in-turn build stronger roots, no matter how 'cold' they might feel....

enjoy the fall day my friends...and welcome winter with open arms.

"One generation plants the roots...another enjoys the shade."
-john mcarthur.


Ford Family said...

You are a breath of fresh air, Heather! :)

Sherry said...

Oh how I cried reading this. I have felt so many of these emotions. God is so good to bring us through these, and He will. I am the(A) true vine, and my Father is(B) the vinedresser. 2(C) Every branch in me that does not bear fruit(D) he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes,(E) that it may bear more fruit. 3Already(F) you are clean(G) because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4(H) Abide(I) in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5I am the vine;(J) you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that(K) bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not abide in me(L) he is thrown away like a branch and withers;(M) and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7If(N) you abide in me, and my words abide in you,(O) ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8(P) By this my Father is glorified, that you(Q) bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.John 15: 1-8Love you