Monday, March 28, 2011

this week

 Jan7 031
so spring break came and went.  as did the week after.  and last week too except for thursday when everything seemed to stop for a minute.  wednesday night i was up videoing my child sleeping and the next thing i knew i was getting pre-op instructions thrusday afternoon from our ENT.  in 3 days georgia will have surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids.  you can call it routine.  you can call it common but there is NOTHING routine about handing my baby over to be operated on that feels routine to me. 

i remember the first weeks she was born better than i remember most things.  they were so so hard.  postpartum whatever was setting in and i was becoming more and more scared with each passing day.  i cried often.  i asked myself questions like...what have you can't do don't know how to take care of her...what is she cries and you can't comfort her...what if she's sick and you don't know what to was like hell.  i'm being serious.  i was in an emotional state of hell.  then one night in the early morning i remember praying so hard that God would change my heart.  that he would give me love for her so like that way it should be.  it was a changing moment and each day since i've loved her with a love that i could not have imagined.  God knew exactly what he was doing {although i did question those first weeks} and being her mother has made me a better version of me.  funny thing is though along with that piercing love comes piercing pain.  and the thoughts of seeing her in someone's care besdies my own is about to due me in.  

the only thing i keep reminding myself is that God still knows what he's doing.  not just with her health or the restoration of it, but with me.  with still making me a better version.  pain and all.  he knows just how much i can handle before i'll break.  i don't care if it's just tonsils and adenoids, it's bigger than that for me.  it's about trusting and faith.  which all i know all the right answers about until you match it up against my baby girl.  there's pain and healing for both of us in store this week.  she'll teach me how to handle it i'm sure.  i'm constantly learning from her.  until then though, pray for her...for the doctors...for me?


My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.    
Psalm 73:26 


Cindy Brooks said...

Dear, dear Heather and Sweet G Marie...and you too, Harold.. Hugs and prayers from Auburn!

Carey said...

Heather, I know it is scary... Bailey had tubes put in and her adenoids out in November and it was not pleasant for anyone. But she recovered quickly and I'm sure Georgia will too. Your family will be in my prayers this week!

Tracey said...

Austin had this surgery in December. He had a few rough days but overall did very well. Only took the pain meds the first day. After that, he just needed Tylenol. He is so much better off now. We'll be praying for all of you this week.